kistha | Entries tagged with whining

So, my birthday has been really difficult since I became an adult. I had pretty much given up on it since it seemed cursed, but when the Scott and I got together he declared war on my birthday; and the first one we spent together was great, a night out at Entros a restaurant filled with games, puzzles, costume activities that was so awesome I can't believe it closed. Then he gave me my lost 8th birthday and that was awesome too. The others were good, but not horrible...and the best was three years ago when I had a Goth/80's Skate Party and the following day some of my girlfriends and I spent the day at Olympus Spa getting the full treatment.

Last year was bad everything went wrong, and was a mess. This year wins the Fuck You award though.

It stared with plans not getting set in advance due to unemployment, new job, sudden travel, a 25 day long cold, a minor car accident and a plumbing leak. Finally deciding to do an all call to go to the local Skate King's Saturday night open skate we sent out an all call to friends and asked them to join us. By Friday we had two yes, fair number of no and a number of unknowns. And I was getting concerned about the birthday curse coming back. Friday night at the dance practice party Grant badgered me until I gave up the fact that it was my birthday the next day and the curse stuff. Then he was upset because somehow my birthday wasn't marked, and I should have told him a week ago. So then he had everyone sing happy birthday and a group hug from everyone there which got all awkward. Then there were problems with a couple of students and me and all-in-all it was a lame night, no matter how hard the teachers tried to make it a good one. By Saturday afternoon we were down to one yes, and a lot of nos and a number of unknowns. I was feeling down and less than awesome when the doorbell rang and someone had sent me flowers!

rhienelleth had sent them to me knowing how unhappy I was about the whole birthday thing this year, and just because she's that kind of awesome. I wanted to just cancel and stay home but with all the unknowns, it wasn't really feasible. So after an indulgent Taco Bell crap food splurge (and the Doritos tacos are awesome - second highlight of the day) we got ready and headed to the Skate King.

Where I got out of the car turned and the door closed and latched on my right ring finger. I dropped the keys, opened the door and got my hand free. After that there was a lot of swearing, a little crying out of sheer frustration and pain, and a call to the one person we knew was coming. Ultimately we finally got the new insurance web page to give us a in network hospital 10 miles away - since at this point I was pretty sure it was broken. We get to the ER, and sure enough it's busted. The tip is crushed, but together. Then the husband gave me my present; tickets to Amaluna, third highlight of the day. There were a couple of priceless texts from a couple of friends. Eventually we found an open pharmacy and got the uber Advil prescription. Stopped and picked up a Veggie Mondo Burrito at Taco de Mar came home and had dinner with TV and then I went to bed with my first pain pill on board. And I still managed to be under my calorie count for the day.

The pain pill turned out to be useless. But I am so very glad for my high pain tolerance, and glad that the pain is already about half as bad. Managed my usual stretches and yoga with only a few exceptions. So now we go into the next four weeks figuring out how to live mostly left handed.

Oh, and birthdayless because even the husband gives up.

Current Mood: cold
Current Music: Unwell - Matchbox Twenty - More Than You Think You Are

With the last couple of trips out with friends and family out in the sunshine of summer, and yet another doctor's visit coming up mixed with the usual crazy of my family I've been feeling very down.

And while I'm going to try and distract myself so I don't spend the day in the dumps, here's a poem I wrote recently about it all.

Memories in Contrast

I remember when I could play in sunlight
Without fear and pain
I remember when Summer meant swimming and boating
Instead of rashes and heatstroke
I remember when I could work all day and dance all night
Without loosing two days to exhaustion
I remember when I could dance, and fly
When someone could lift me
I remember when I could clean my house
Without being unable to do anything else
I remember when my hair was a mane
Instead of a thin rat tail

I remember when I wasn't sick

I remember when people didn't assume I was lying about
What I eat
What exercise I get
I remember when doctors tried to find an answer
Not just assume this is normal
I remember when people believed me when I said I was sick,
Not telling me to just love myself as I am.

Current Mood: morose
Current Music: The Empty Dancehall - All About Eve - Scarlet And Other Stories

Gods how I hate the heat I've never really liked it, and thought the upper 80's were warm enough, but as I have gotten older (and heavier) the heat now really kills me. These days if I'm exposed to direct sunlight for too long I break out in a rash - usually the arm on the window side of the car these days. I can't be outside in the sunshine without a hat, or I get pounding headaches, and overheat twice as fast. If I'm outside and it's very hot (with or without hat) any exertion that isn't in cold water will send me into a fast pseudo form of heat stroke, where I get a little loopy and light headed and my face turns bright red with white streaks. And then I run away.

I wish we had the kind of summers we used to. Where 90 degrees was a once in a blue moon kind of thing, not regular occurrence. I feel like I need to move...but where?

Add to this that Curves doesn't have air-conditioning, and I'm missing my workouts this week. ARGH! So, I'm feeling guilty, and yet I think I made the right choice. But it's still irritating - I don't know how many workouts I'm going to miss due to heat this summer.

I am so glad we got air-conditioning, it was definitely a good for my health choice, but even with it a comfortable 71 in here - I feel trapped and hunted by the sun, and warm.

And I feel so bad for everyone who doesn't have it.

Current Mood: irritated
Current Music: Sonata Number 14 In C#m (Moonlight Sonata) - Depeche Mode - The Singles Box - Vol. 3

So, my instructor has moved on, and I've had the first few lessons with my new instructor Miss. P.

And I want to whine. But I don't want anyone to think that she's not a good dancer, or think that I dislike her. But gods I want to whine.

I like her, but she's a very subtle lead - and I don't know her as well, and I don't have the kind of acquired trust that I had with Mr. L. This means that my learning speed has dropped down by more than half. With Mr. L I usually learned 4 new patters, and sometimes as many as 5-6 per lesson. So far we're at 2 new patterns per lesson. What's slowing us down is two things: The first is that she's not really aware of how fast I learn, the second is that I learn it quickly, but when we blend (the new patterns in a random order while doing the dance they are from) I have a hard time, because I can't follow her very well, so I'm fighting her, and missing the cues...so we blend for a very long time. Lesson takes about 10 minutes and the blending takes the rest of the half hour, then we change and do it again in another dance.

I keep telling myself that this will, ultimately make me a better dancer and a better follow. Also Miss. P is much more about nitpicky technique in the forefront, than Mr. L was - we did have lessons in it, but they generally were separate lessons, where Miss. P is into the technique in each lesson (at least so far.)

But the joy and easy dance and the fabulous gliding and talking across the floor is gone. I used to get though the "dance parties" and the group lessons where I was dancing with people who couldn't lead (they're learning of course and we're at the same level, and honestly some of them just suck) by knowing that I could follow it up with a lesson with Mr. L where it would be natural and easy - and now it's all difficult and hard and uncomfortable.

So, I'm in a whining mood and not excited to go to dance class. And, it looks like the people the owner is looking to hire, may not actually already know Ballroom dance. *bangshead*

And, before you suggest I leave, I'm stuck there for quite a while. I paid for lessons in advance and there's no refunds.

I am however thinking of adding a Ballet class this fall - I found a place in Seattle that only teaches adults, and now apparently you can learn to get on Pointe past forty years old - obviously it's going to take a while. But it's something I've always wanted to be able to do, and it's the kind of muscle I want to have, long and lean. Downside, they require the leotard and tights. Guess I'm going to have to shove my vanity in the box, and just suck it up. They also have a prep course "Pilates for Ballet" that I might do first. We'll just have to see. One of these days on my way to dance class, I'm going to hit the Ballet studio and ask questions.

If anyone knows of an adult Contemporary or Modern dance class let me know. I'm looking at branching out. :)

Also still working out twice a week at Curves and doing the daily Yoga. And, I'm pretty sure I'm not loosing weight anymore, but I'll do a weighing/measurement tomorrow and we'll see. I'm going to try to keep this up even if I don't loose the weight. I just have to remind myself that it does good things for my body, even if it doesn't really do anything I can see. My blood pressure had dropped the last time I hit the doc, so that's good, right?

Still fucking depressing.

And without that joy of dance that I had as the main motivator for all this....it's so much tougher.

And now off to prep for dance class.

Yay.

Ah, Mr. L my life does suck without you.

Current Mood: disappointed
Current Music: My Life Would Suck Without You - Glee Cast - Glee: The Music, Vol. 2

The stupid "stainless-steel" fridge killed me.

Fuck it.

We can finish the rest of it tomorrow.

Sure we can.We have to - all that's left is the rest of the kitchen, some mopping, and all the rooms that the guests will be staying in! LOL

Nothing like hysteria, is there? I hate you, fridge I hate you.

I'm going to go watch TV.

Current Mood: drained
Current Music: Turn off the Lights - Nelly Furtado -Whoa, Nelly

At this point whenever the words "fat," "obesity," or anything else related to my not so little problem appear I guess I should just bend over and take it.

FUCK FUCK FUCK!

Current Mood: crushed

So on Wednesday night my computer once again achieved the hallowed state of blue-screen of death.

I waited a bit, then went forward trying to hope that it had reset in the night.

Nope.

Since then, I haven't had the time (and I don't really have it the rest of this week either) to try and repair it or Gods forbid reformat the fucking thing again.

Somewhere there is a software error of epic proportions hiding just waiting for the worst moment, apparently.

I'm cleaning house the next three days (counting this one) then <lj user="rhienelleth"> arrives after Oba goes to Doggie Camp in the morning - and then it's A Writer's Weekend.

The Chiro just called, apparently I have an appointment today.

Well. FUck.

So, I'm going to be seriously random on checking email, and am checking LJ on the hubby's computer - also less frequently than usual.

*bangsheadagainstwall*

Why does this shit always cascade like this?

Current Mood: cranky
Current Music: Oba barking

Yesterday I was mid post, mid reformatting, mid IM and mid phone consultation when a massive headache put me down.

And I mean DOWN.

It was all I could do to throw up, strip, and fall down. I didn't move except to call

argentyne and cancel dinner and TV until 8:30PM

So the one day where we closed (and yes, it was the easiest snow day we had but I'm grateful) I didn't get anything done.

Computer is still f*cking down and I think soon it's going to have to go visit the guru. 4 attempts to reformat, and it falls apart right when it would normally be loading the desktop. At least I got a brief miracle and managed to get all of my stuff off the computer. It decided to load after the Nth try to repair and failing the three tries at getting past the administrative password - then the husband convinced me I should reformat *now* and not wait for it to break again. Humpfh. Still cranky about that.

Oba didn't get her run, and I still don't have my computer. Which is really annoying since there are some Holiday shopping things I'd like to be doing damn it!

This weekend is looking mighty busy, which is disappointing since I want to hook up with the wonderful

trenchwench sometime before next year. Maybe we can squeeze her in late Saturday or mid Sunday. *pout*

Is this week over yet?

Current Mood: cranky
Current Music: fountain contrasting with dryer

I'm not having a very good day today.

( Whining under here. )

Bleagh. In other news...

Yesterday was so nice. The hubby got off early and we went to the dog park and had a lovely walk. It's funny how if you don't have a dog you get exactly the same suspicious looks you get when you are sitting near the kids play area without a kid. Can't wait until we can take Oba. Then went and caught X3 (yeah, well anyway.)

On the way out of the theater we bumped into a guy who was outside the martial arts school right there. He felt so nice. I kept talking to him. I wanted to ask, "Mind if I just bask in your very nice aura for a bit?" They are offering two free private lessons, complete with free "PJ's" as he joked. It's based mostly in Chinese Kenpo. He said they had a couple of Kajukenbo people from CA and they were comfortable with the transition. Then we touched on the various schools of Kajukenbo.

He also seems to agree that while Martial Arts is good for meditation and exercise - if you are in it for defense, flashy is no real help - and fair play has no place in a real fight. We seemed to share enough fundamental basics that I'm thinking a great deal about joining. Not to mention that lovely aura. *sigh* It's just comforting to be around, I had forgotten how much I like being around people who are ... it's hard to explain, but it's a feeling of home I miss. You can find it outside of martial arts, and not all people in martial arts have it. I loved my old Sifu, but he didn't have it - but his brown belt instructor did.

dthon who's never shown any interest in martial arts at all is even interested...

Anybody know anything about Chinese Kenpo?

Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: Go Go's - Automatic

Just got refused. They wanted Access, which I didn't have, and they submitted me knowing that. But seriously, it took me under a week to learn the basics of Great Plains. Access sounds even easier. You'd think a learning curve like that would be worth something.

Discovered they also wanted other things, like someone who had already done this particular job and other specifics like - Adobe, zip files, and file transferring.

OK, maybe I should include Adobe on the list in the resume, but they didn't ask for it and I'm not an expert or anything but I can find my way around it, since I had to use it at Wizkids.

As for zip files and file transferring experience - doesn't a proficiency in computers cover that?

*pissy and still fucking dizzy*

It's a shitty day so far.

Current Mood: rejected
Current Music: Elvis Presley - (You're The) Devil In Disguise